SIM Golf Story Page

Here you will find some stories I wrote. I will post the text on this page and if you like them, a link to download them. I figure better to let you read them, so you dont have to download something you end up not liking.....

Idle Gossip - written when I noticed Mike Marshall & Rita Refresher hanging out together on the couse
Idle Gossip - A Links story PARTNER, I heard that Mike Marshall & Rita Refresher were spotted behind the 15th green yesterday! They sure seem to spend alot of time together on the course! Idle gossip is hardly ever refreshing, PARTNER. A new partner sure would be refreshing to me right now! Sally Soda sure seems to have an eye for Tommy Technician doesnt she, PARTNER! They seem to work together well, thats for sure! Technically, she has two eyes, PARTNER! PARTNER, I heard Joe Groundskeeper was getting jealous about Rita Refreshers new assignment! Joe hasnt been the same since, PARTNER! I am sure no one is jealous of me having you as a golfing buddy! It would be refreshing for you to finally shut up, PARTNER! Roger Ranger was getting pretty friendly with Sally Soda over on hole #4, PARTNER! I like your insight, PARTNER, can I call you a friend? There is nothing friendly about what I am about to do with this ball, PARTNER! Was that the same hole you had a quadruple bogey, Loser?
Cedar Point - The AMAZEment Park (anyone who has been there can understand :-)
Partner, I rode Millenium Force last summer, it was great! Hey, I rode it too, I loved it. I have a beanie baby & T-shirt to prove it! Was that an Arnold Schwartzenegger movie? I hope I am not forced to play golf with you again this millenium! Watch me force this golf ball into the space millenium, PARTNER! Cedar Po!nt is the amazement park, dont you agree, PARTNER? You Bet! I get to the Po!nt every year, PARTNER. I am amazed how annoying and boring you are, PARTNER. Will you be amazed when I launch this ball over 300 yards? I am a roller coaster junkie, PARTNER. AMEN! I love to ride them! Magnum XL200 rocks, RAPTOR rules the sky! Well, you sure dont play golf like a golf junkie, PARTNER! No, I like heroin, myself. Did you hear about the new Wicked Twister Coaster? 450 feet of twisted wreckage and I cannot wait to ride it! This whole round of golf has been wicked on my nerves. Maybe you should ask someone who cares, PARTNER.
Joke Story 1 - Gut Busting One Liners
Hey PARTNER, If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? HAHAHA! Thats a great one, PARTNER! The same reason you have to buy them, your both boooooring. Aren't you a little old to play with dolls, PARTNER? Here's one PARTNER, Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines! HAHAHA! I always knew soaring with eagles had its drawbacks!!! I suppose that joke came from your monthly weasel club meetings? Watch this ball soar into the bright blue sky, PARTNER. PARTNER, 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincedence? HAHAHA! You are on to something there, PARTNER. Is it a coincedence you annoy me, I think not! Golfing with you is enough reason to drink in itself! PARTNER, Did you hear the Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery? HAHAHA! Thats the best joke I have ever heard, PARTNER. That joke is so bad, you should be arrested, PARTNER! If I wouldnt get arrested, I would wrap my driver around your annoying throat right now!
Joke Story 2 - More One Liners
Hey PARTNER, I poured Spot Remover on my dog....and now he is gone!!! HAHAHA! Thats a true gut buster, PARTNER! Does that work on annoying people as well? Lucky Dog! PARTNER, I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out. HAHAHA! I love a good joke, and you sure know alot of them! Too bad you never found it, PARTNER. I wish you would fall in that lake over there. Hey PARTNER, I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. HAHAHA! I always wonder about those types, Why do they ask my name! If you were psychic, you would know you bore me to death. If you were psychic, you would know this ball is about to be stiff on the green! Hey PARTNER, When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. HAHAHA! You are the funniest golfer I have ever had the pleasure to play with! If I was in my right mind, I would have left this course an hour ago. What does it take? about two thoughts should crowd that small space!
Girl Talk - Female to Female
I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer last night, PARTNER. Gosh, I love that show, PARTNER. I watch CHARMED as well!!! Well, you can watch me slay this ball with my driver then, PARTNER! I wish Buffy would slay me so I don't have to listen to your drivel. I like to play games on the internet, PARTNER! SIM GOLF is my favorite game, but I like YAHOO! games as well, PARTNER! This ball is about to travel down the information fairway! Why don't you surf over to www.whogivesacare.com, PARTNER. How would you play this hole partner? For starters, I would give it a real good licking, PARTNER. If given a choice, I would pass. The same way I have this whole round, in misery. Did you see those rocks, PARTNER? I have been staring at them the whole round. No, but I heard them rattling in your air-filled head This ball is about to Rock N ROll into space, PARTNER!
Sports & More - The Male Bond
PARTNER, Did you see the Superbowl??!! YES! What a thriller, PARTNER, Vinateri's kick was awesome! The best game I never saw, PARTNER No, I had to floss my teeth. I really enjoy watching the Daytona 500, PARTNER. I love NASCAR. Go #9 Bill Elliott!!!! Wow, cars in circles. How can I contain my excitement NASCAR stands for Numbskulls And Sadsacks Crash AlReady PARTNER, You gonna watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs? Yah Buddy! Go RED WINGS!!! Ooh, hockey. Grown men chasing a frozen piece of rubber. I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out! I listen to Lush Rimbaugh everday, you like him, PARTNER? I am a chater member of the local Dittoeheads!!! Sounds like the name of a famous drunk, am I right? Doubtful, I would like anything you like, PARTNER.
Love of Music - Female talking to Male (Based loosely on the movie Rock Star!)
I love Rock Music, PARTNER I play lead guitar in a band! Rock? Is that like your head? I like Air Supply & Jack Boots. Did you see the movie Rock Star, PARTNER? Did I? Zakk Wylde is my idol!!! Chris Cole is sooooo dreamy. Was that one about some guy name Flintstone? Nope, But your ball is going on the rocks! Do you like Country Music, PARTNER? Do you know you look just like Faith Hill? No, I prefer Western. No, but I am gonna launch this ball across the country! I have over 100 Music CDs in my collection. WOW! I would like to come over and hear them sometime! CD? Does that stand for Certifiably Deranged? Now if you just keep your golf score under your CD total!
Golf Stroke Analyzer - Love Story (a bit crude, tongue in cheek type - hopefully not offending)
Can you analyze my stroke, PARTNER? It's one of the best I have ever seen! Sorry, but that limpy shaft makes your stroke ineffective Why would I want to do that? Do you think my shaft is long enough? WOW! Thats impressive, PARTNER! Its too small in length and diameter, PARTNER I have seen pins with more impressive heads! I need some help getting it up and down, PARTNER I will wash your balls, PARTNER You need help period Never up, Never In, PARTNER Getting the ball in the hole is hard, PARTNER Well, if its hard, it might get in the hole, PARTNER In your dreams, PARTNER Don't worry, this is as close as you will get!
Crude Love Story - Male to Female ( Maybe too crude, funny if you like plays on words)
Nothing like a dozen shiny new balls, PARTNER! Can I touch your balls? Why did you get new ones? You are just gonna drown them!! Wait till I whack one of your balls with my driver. Is that one of those new Titanium Drivers? Yes! I like my shafts hard and long! No, Its silver painted graphite you idiot! Its a fake, I bought it off eBay from some jerk like yourself! Never up, Never In, PARTNER! You get it up and I think it will be going in, PARTNER! I suppose you have never done either, PARTNER! That is some pretty original advice, Einstein! The 19th Hole is just around the corner, PARTNER! You wanna do some night putting after the round, PARTNER? Not a moment too soon. This round has been excruiating. There are only 18 holes you moron!